The Lawyer Joke
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
Advantages Of Being Woman
Why it's better to be a Woman!
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.
6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.
7. Taxis stop for us.
8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).
11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.
12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.
13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.
16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.
18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.
21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.
28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.
30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
Ten Husband Still A Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Beautiful Poem
Up until now, my life has been a real bore,
then I saw you, and my jaw hit the floor.
I picked it back up, and got myself together,
and knew right then and there... I could be with you forever.
At that moment, when time stood still,
I knew I liked you, and I always will.
The very first time I looked into your eyes,
I saw who you were and so much more,
I looked straight through to your heart, the most essential part,
and I knew I'd found what I've been looking for.
I knew, one day, I would see you again,
while praying the whole time, that I could become your friend.
You made me feel, like I've never felt before,
it felt like butterflies in my stomach having a war.
There's something about you, that makes it hard to look away,
it's hard not to stare, at your beautiful eyes and hair,
and it makes me want to stay.
There's only one of you, you're one of a kind,
that's what makes you special, and keeps you on my mind.
The world is filled with beautiful things,
we have proof that this is true,
but in my mind when it comes to this,
none can compare to you.
The sound of your voice, is like a melody playing in my mind,
that let's me know for sure...
never again will I find someone like you.
When I look at you, you know what I see?
I see the definition, of beauty.
Just talking to you for a moment, can change the way I feel,
just the sound of your voice, has the power to heal.
My life wouldn't be the same, without you in it,
if I could I would, be with you each and every minute.
Just having you here, makes the world a better place,
and the pain from being without you,
is erased the moment I see your beautiful face.
Everything about you, and everything you do,
is what makes you absolutely perfect, and draws me near you.
You've become someone that is now, more special to me,
than anyone else in the whole wide world, could ever be.
Ohh, and your smile, it puts me under a spell,
and reminds me of for who my heart has fell.
It brightens up the whole world around you, as well as your face,
an image that no other can compare to, or ever erase -
from my mind.
Never again could god create something
so perfect and true, he must have had something
truly special in mind - when he made you.
then I saw you, and my jaw hit the floor.
I picked it back up, and got myself together,
and knew right then and there... I could be with you forever.
At that moment, when time stood still,
I knew I liked you, and I always will.
The very first time I looked into your eyes,
I saw who you were and so much more,
I looked straight through to your heart, the most essential part,
and I knew I'd found what I've been looking for.
I knew, one day, I would see you again,
while praying the whole time, that I could become your friend.
You made me feel, like I've never felt before,
it felt like butterflies in my stomach having a war.
There's something about you, that makes it hard to look away,
it's hard not to stare, at your beautiful eyes and hair,
and it makes me want to stay.
There's only one of you, you're one of a kind,
that's what makes you special, and keeps you on my mind.
The world is filled with beautiful things,
we have proof that this is true,
but in my mind when it comes to this,
none can compare to you.
The sound of your voice, is like a melody playing in my mind,
that let's me know for sure...
never again will I find someone like you.
When I look at you, you know what I see?
I see the definition, of beauty.
Just talking to you for a moment, can change the way I feel,
just the sound of your voice, has the power to heal.
My life wouldn't be the same, without you in it,
if I could I would, be with you each and every minute.
Just having you here, makes the world a better place,
and the pain from being without you,
is erased the moment I see your beautiful face.
Everything about you, and everything you do,
is what makes you absolutely perfect, and draws me near you.
You've become someone that is now, more special to me,
than anyone else in the whole wide world, could ever be.
Ohh, and your smile, it puts me under a spell,
and reminds me of for who my heart has fell.
It brightens up the whole world around you, as well as your face,
an image that no other can compare to, or ever erase -
from my mind.
Never again could god create something
so perfect and true, he must have had something
truly special in mind - when he made you.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Friendship Quotes
"Friends always show their love. What are brothers for if not to share troubles?"
"Some friendships do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers."
"Foresake not an old friend; for the new is not comparable to him: a new friend is as new wine; when it is old, thou shall drink it with pleasure."
"An honest answer is the sign of true friendship."
"A friend means well, even when he hurts you. But when an enemy puts his hand round your shoulder - watch out!"
"My friends are my estate. Forgive me then the avarice to hoard them. They tell me those who were poor early have different views of gold. I don't know how that is. God is not so wary as we, eles He would give us no friends, lest we forget Him."
"The greatest love a person can have for his friends is to give his life for them."
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
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